poesía: zoey

Marina Martín Vilches
20 feb 2018
8 Min. de lectura

¡Hola Hola! El largo y frío enero llegó a su fin en Holanda – donde vivo- , y con él los últimos resquicios de la Navidad. Pero aún queda mucho frío, ¡y todo febrero! A mí febrero me recuerda a cuadernos nuevos, velas de vainilla, bombones de chocolate y la cama sin hacer. ¿ A qué os recuerda a vosotres? Hoy os quiero presentar a una poeta muy especial, Anna C, a quien conocí hace años estudiando en Estados Unidos. Abrigaros bien, escuchar música bonita, y mucho ánimo para este mes. Comed bollitos de chocolate y compraros flores alegres si os hace falta o simplemente os apetece <3

xxx Marina

Si le preguntas a Anna C que de dónde es, la pregunta en principio simple se torna larga como los infinitos piececitos del gusano que salía en Alicia en el País de las Maravillas. Aprendió a hablar Inglés en Londres siendo apenas un bebé, creció en Santo Domingo de Heredia – aunque se siente más afín a San José-, y ha vivido en sitios tan dispares como Costa Rica o Minnesota (Estados Unidos). Sin embargo, su familia es de Liberia de Guanacaste, que considera “el único lugar en la tierra que se ha ganado mi corazón”. Anna así mismo se considera “trans as fuck” – pese a que se presenta como hombre por seguridad- y dice tener dos almas que chocan entre sí: una poeta, y otra economista. Su libro favorito es El Principito, y su color varía – azul o a veces verde-, al igual que su signo zodiacal – a veces Aries y a veces Tauro-. Bilingüe y budista, no me sorprendo en absoluto cuando me cuenta que cree firmemente en “la división entre cuerpo y mente”, pues todo en ella parece ser un bello conjunto de contradicciones, de algún modo, armoniosas.

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tanta calma,

la muerte se

tiende entre

los tenedores de

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Being sad is prohibitted

dentro de sus cafecitos

metropolitanos

y yo, que tengo

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ay que se nos va la vida llorando, incompleta y muda, navegante y sin huellas, atrapada entre

la vida y la

The warm rest of yet to become /

Think the present store for /

tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow

tomorrow.

como una cadenita

blanca, como

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Here

you

this

sonnet

are

you

happy

now?

time is money muerte: el tiempo es

i wear my heart un maní

without a straightjacket

so that my heart may

not confuse you,

although you

will never quite

understand us.

soy de la casta

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<table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 width="100%"> <tr> <td><![endif]> <div> BECAUSE MY EYES WERE CHILDREN <o:p></o:p> <o:p> </o:p> and my heart<o:p></o:p> another <o:p></o:p> button <o:p></o:p> in<o:p></o:p> my straightjacket<o:p></o:p> </div> <![if !mso]></td> </tr> </table> <![endif]></v:textbox> <w:wrap anchory="line"></w:wrap> </v:shape><![endif][if !vml][endif] en tránsito, pero

tampoco me

pierdo like

a platter of

quesos at a

social gathering

why did I come here?

romance, salud,

amor, dinero, and

the time to enjoy it.

huyendo de lo que

herizanos, mis sueños

are just the buttons

en la camisa de mi

pequeñita burocracia,

que me dice:

vuela — como si no existiera tal cosa como

la circunstancia;

Bad metaphors for a trans woman

Am I a house with bad plumbing?

Am I a creature not often seen in the wild?

Am I destruction?

Am I a burnt out cigarette?

Am I a dagger in the dark?

Am I a gay rights movement souvenir?

Did I hand the first brick to the white man at stonewall?

At night, if you lay beside me, does my body disappear like a dream in the dark

when you can no longer see me, do I metamorphose into a curvy figure,

with long and wavy hair and the parts of a woman?

When you wake me up, do I emerge a man, or a

woman, or as a metaphor for a woman?

Is my body a metaphor for a woman?

Is my body a dagger in the bathroom?

Are my arms the arms of a murderer, the arms of a killer,

so frightened to be killed?

When I look into a mirror, do I exist

or do I become?

Why - must I always be becoming?

Puente del Virilla, contiguo al estadio saprissa*

Hay un puente que te puede decir

absolutamente todo lo que

te quiero decir,

mother,

A memorial can only speak of life. Its edges are made of bronze and that’s all you need to know about this image.

For example—flowers we left behind are rotting now,

and are also growing black with car smoke.

some of their bodies stand tall and others

have thrown themselves off,

to die of death.

These souls have barely clung to bridges for long enough to remain within their bodies. You could say that they could’ve been dissuaded. But then they would have to walk home alone drawing lines in the dirt with their bones, convincing themselves they are not already moving corpses. To me this is just hypocrisy that we insist on calling living. I wonder if this is only my soul’s story, or my body’s story. If my nails aren’t my nails, what do I cling with when I hold on to life? Sometimes, when I hold on too tight, my skin tears, and forces little streams on its own. Little rivers of blood that dry up. The rivers back home, they shift position depending on the rain, but they never dry up. We know to build our houses away from them.

Mother, you knew a corpse once. We rarely talk about pero no importa mientras me siga tomando las pastillas. Do they really heal us? Can my mind simply heal itself? Should I cling to them?

A word nails my heart to the soul of this problem.

I wonder what death

encompasses their hearts.

Mother, I passed the place where it happened every day when I was a child, and you told me nothing of this.

the forest grows the memory away; then, we

grow again happy. The news in the morning will talk

about the weather, the news in the afternoon will

talk mostly about the murderers and the robbers,

and will mostly smell like lunch and coffee.

and at night, they will never speak of anything. Then, after the telenovela kicks in,

you will go off into meditation, and pray a little.

it’s all a running joke

Then darkness is just a metaphor for darkness,

and so it stands between me and desire.

Should these dreams become the dreams of my own house?

Should these dreams become the dreams of my own family?

Speak to me mother,

speak to me louder because I can’t hear you

creaking your door when you cannot sleep,

because you suffer the same as I do. That

unrelenting

comfort

breaks me.

The culmination of these thoughts is that anything I write, is

a meditation on death, upon death, after death, under death.

Can I claim to know it as well although I can keep on living

unliving,

dressing, breaking,

undressing, unbreaking,

bathing, sleeping and

unbathing, waking at

do I cling the center

to death or of this is the

just to destr only thing

uction when Tomorrow we are afraid

it’s always to talk about

late does my or you would

body become ship me a metaphor for a woman across

the ocean to

am i heal, then

am i unheal,

am i like the

wings of

am i destruction an angel.

am i sometimes out of

hope.

I have worded up my soul into a tiny sheet of paper and thus have already scattered my own ashes. I picked the place to be as far away from home as I could make them, and I also did it at night. I can’t find a sense of beauty in the light

has my soul really done what it was supposed to?

You can call it one name, then call it another thing.

it just never rains anymore

Death seems to me nothing but

the experience of living

living and dying are they really the same thing?

if I could change its name,

I would call it tomorrow

and the day after

and the day

after

that

after tomorrow,

the birds will sing

their hymns to the

dead,

after that, they

will conceive of

their babies,

and after that, they will

conceive of

death again.

It’s just the natural thing.

Don’t show your heart to anyone,

mother,

unless they see you

in which case

kill them.

Kill unless you want to be killed.

Kill and consume as we were meant to do,

as my soul was meant to do,

as you were meant to do,

kill when we’re so frightened

to be killed,

because we have

never really done another thing

by living

the experience of living /

if we give this poem a

resolution we will become

murderers:

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[if !supportLists]* [endif]Quiero confesar que le cambié el título al poema específicamente para esta publicación. Las razones son las siguientes: 1) para dejar claro el nombre del puente en el poema, 2) motivarlos a que investiguen la conexión entre el puente y el suicidio en Costa Rica. Es difícil de hacer dado que nuestra cultura reprime el tema. 3) Porque, como persona tuve que aprender a la fuerza sobre la importancia de ciertas locaciones como la Plaza Mayor, la Torre Eiffel, la Torre de Londres, etc. y me gustaría darle vuelta a la situación: que los europeos se tengan que familiarizar con la geografía de una ciudad atrapada en Centroamérica.

fotografía de Marisol Greniers @greniers_

For her

Tabúes, cadenas del placer.

Educación emocional y crianza consciente

poesía: zoey

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